Post-Event Analysis: Tips for Those with Social Anxiety
Individuals with social anxiety disorder may experience post-event processing after a social gathering. This includes repetitive, self-directed thoughts about their performance and actions during the event. While some self-reflection can be helpful for personal growth, excessive post-event processing can become a harmful cycle that reinforces negative beliefs about social performance and leads to anxiety about future social interactions. This cycle can also contribute to memory distortion or reconstruction over time. Although it is a product of our complex minds and innate desire to connect, it is essential to recognise when post-event processing becomes excessive and seek help if necessary. You can also use the techniques below to help gain some balance.
Research indicates that post-event processing is a significant factor in maintaining social anxiety disorder. This type of "post-mortem thinking" often includes envisioning yourself with a negative self-perception, combining mental images of how you believe you appear to others, along with recollections of previous social interactions.
It's impossible to stop thinking about something completely. If I asked you not to think about a blue elephant, the image of a blue elephant likely popped into your head. Attempting to suppress thoughts often has the opposite effect of making them more persistent. It's normal to reflect on the activities we've done throughout the day, including social interactions. Thinking about these events isn't inherently wrong. However, ruminating over every detail of the exchange and what we may have done wrong can be problematic. It reinforces the idea that we must behave in a certain way every time we socialise, which may cause us to avoid social situations altogether. This thinking can also affect our self-image, leading to lowered self-esteem and confidence, feelings of shame, and a belief that we are no good in social situations. Ultimately, this thinking can maintain social anxiety and make it challenging to enjoy socialising.
So here are some tips to help minimise post-event analysis to assist you with social anxiety:
Practice Mindfulness: One of my favourite mindfulness-based processes is 'Dropping Anchor'. This process helps you recognise your thoughts and emotions, accept them, and distance yourself from them somewhat. It also enables you to be present in the moment. Please click here for the complete process.
Set Realistic Expectations: We often set unrealistic expectations regarding social interactions, feeling that everything we say or do must be flawless. However, it's normal to stumble over our words occasionally, fail to explain something as well as we would like, say something foolish without thinking it through, or even interrupt someone. Social interactions do not have to be perfect, and, likely, other people involved are not acting flawlessly either.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Think about what evidence you have for and against the thoughts that you have. Are you catastrophising, engaging in black-or-white thinking, or is emotional reasoning playing a part? What is a more balanced way of looking at things?
Limit Rumination Time: Try designating a limited time for reflection, also known as "worry time." Once the allocated time is up, redirect your focus to something else that requires your attention. For more information on how to implement worry time, click here.
Embrace Self-Compassion: It's essential to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Imagine a friend came to you with the same thoughts you're having after a night out. What advice would you give them? Treat yourself with the same level of kindness and understanding. Follow this link to learn more about how to use self-compassion journaling as a tool.
Change Your Mind's Eye Viewpoint: When recalling events, people with social anxiety tend to view their interactions from an external perspective, as if they are an observer watching the situation play out. Click here to learn more about shifting your perspective and other techniques to help with social anxiety.
Focus on What Went Well: Shift your focus and reflect on the event's positive aspects and interactions rather than dwelling solely on perceived mistakes.
Name the story: To distance yourself from the thoughts and emotions surrounding social situations, a helpful technique is to expose yourself to the thoughts as they arise and show yourself that you can detach from them. This makes those thoughts less scary and bothersome over time. To begin, write down all the thoughts that typically come up when you do a post-event analysis, such as 'I said the wrong thing', 'They are going to think I'm stupid', 'I bet they think I'm weird,' 'They must think I'm boring', or something else related to the theme of how you are in social situations. Then, on the other side of the paper, give this collection of thoughts a name, as if they all belonged to a collection or a story. For example, it might be the 'I'm no good in social situations' story, or 'I'm socially awkward' story, or 'Socialising is scary' story. Underneath that, write something along the lines of 'Ah, here it is again, that familiar story that I know so well'. Once you've prepared your piece of paper, take it with you everywhere. Each day, maybe a couple of times, take out the paper, read through the thoughts, allow yourself to feel the emotions connected with the thoughts, and be 'hooked' by the thoughts. Then, turn the paper over, read the name of the story, remind yourself this is familiar, and 'unhook' from the thoughts and emotions, perhaps by using the dropping anchor process.
It's common for people who struggle with social anxiety to analyse their interactions after social events. While reflecting on our experiences is normal, it's important to find a balance between self-reflection and self-compassion.
By recognising the potential downsides of over-analysing and implementing practical strategies, you can actively work towards a more fulfilling social life. You can seek support from trusted friends or professionals and cultivate a supportive mindset within yourself.
References:
Brozovich F, Heimberg RG. An analysis of post-event processing in social anxiety disorder. Clin Psychol Rev. 2008 Jul;28(6):891-903. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2008.01.002.